Goodbye 2013, Hello 2014!

This year was really amazing for me. I managed to maintain my weight loss and once I was more than half way through my pregnancy, I started to gain weight, but it was an appropriate amount. In August, I welcomed a beautiful new daughter. Life has been great since then. I quickly lost the majority of the weight that I gained during pregnancy. And then, I got lazy. I started eating more often, and quite often more than not, foods that I know I shouldn't be eating. When I had my last baby (in 2009) I was determined to breastfeed. I did okay, but after a couple months, had supply issues. Still, managed to nurse him until his first birthday, so I'll consider it a success, even if we did have to supplement with formula. This time around, I was even more determined to not have to use any formula. And so far, so great! Ruby is nearly 5 months old, and not a drop of formula. Go me! Because I have more than enough milk this time, I'm using all these excuses to justify the over eating. By exclusively breastfeeding, I've been told I can allow myself at least 500 more calories a day. And boy have I. And it's starting to show. I weigh a lot more than I'd like to, though I'm still 100 pounds down from where I was before having surgery. In a few minutes, the clock will strike midnight. 2014. A new year. I've decided to make a more conscious effort to pay attention to what I eat, etc. I'm certainly not going to go on a hard core diet or anything. I still have a milk supply to maintain and although I'm unhappy with myself for slipping back into old habits, what I'm doing is working. I know how that sounds, but it's true. I'll be making small changes. Things like, less sugar, more water. Not eating out as much. Just getting off the couch and being more active. With our schedules, it'd be hard to have a gym membership, but I know I can do things around the house and yard to get physical. We did get a puppy last month, so maybe she'll start being less afraid of the snow and we can take her out in the yard and play a lot more. My husband took some pictures of me tonight for 'before', and I'm really hoping that by implementing some small changes, in a couple months I see a difference in the 'after'. Maybe I'll even feel brave enough to share the pictures one day. I'm just really disappointed in myself lately because of the weight gain. I had been doing so incredible and now, not so much. I know I can find the will/determination/strength to do it though. I did it before, so I know it's possible!

I've got about 10 minutes until midnight. Everyone in the house is asleep, except myself and my 7 year old daughter. She can't wait to watch the ball drop. I'll be ringing in the new year with a glass of water, so I guess I'm off to a decent start. :)


new sneakers. hoping to get more use out of them in the new year. :)

The Kingrys: Party of Five

Now that it's been a month, I figured I had better type my birth story while the details are still somewhat fresh in my head. 
This story starts when I found out I was pregnant in early December. Having had two previous cesarean sections, I knew that I wanted to avoid a third if at all possible. I immediately started looking into a VBAC (vaginal birth after c/section). In my case, a VBA2C. Most doctors think this is much too risky and are hesitant to 'allow' a woman to have a VBA2C. To make matters worse, I have a history of having 'big' babies. My first baby was 10 pounds 14 ounces and my second was 10 pounds 8 ounces. Still, I had hope. I had to. I was dreaming of having this birth. I mean, literally. Night after night I would have dreams of being in labor and then reaching down and helping pull this new baby into the world. I'd pull him or her to my chest and do skin to skin bonding while nursing this new tiny human. I wanted as little medical intervention as possible. The more I researched, the more I was positive that I could do this. My body was made to do this. Sure with my first two children things happened and their births required medical interventions and major surgery, but I was confident that this time around things would be different. I was very hopeful.
And then I went to visit my OB. I love the man, I really do, but right away I could tell that it was going to be an uphill battle to get him on board with my dream. I first saw him at 13 or 14 weeks into the pregnancy. (That's when my OB practice usually starts to see pregnant patients.) For the first few visits, he seemed open to my desire to VBAC. After a while I was sent for a more in depth ultrasound. It was wonderful seeing this tiny human just dance around in me. He/she measured right where he/she should be. I asked that doctor if he would be okay with me attempting a VBA2C. Long story short, his answer was no. He did say however, that if I were to come in to the hospital in labor and mostly dilated, he would be okay with me trying to birth vaginally. Yay! Not all hope was lost! More time passed, and when I saw my regular OB we didn't really discuss an attempted VBAC. These visits were usually just very quick. Check my weight, urine, BP and the baby's heartbeat. Once I hit my third trimester, pretty much all hope of a VBAC was gone. My doctor was not on board with me attempting one at all, and he made this clear at every visit. I was crushed. He started to discuss a planned c/section date. I wasn't happy at all, and it was not what I wanted for myself or my baby. Being as I had gone through this two other times, I knew what to expect, and I knew that babe and myself would be okay, but still, I had these dreams and visions of a different type of birth. I did have one small victory though; I somehow got my doctor to agree to the scheduled c/section on my due date. He would under no circumstances let me go longer than that, because he wasn't even happy with letting me go that long. At every visit he would mention the scheduled c/section, and I would tell him that if I ended up going into labor before then, I was going to labor at home as long as possible before heading to the hospital. I was desperate and willing to do what I had to do to avoid this major surgery. 
As much as I dreaded being cut from hip to hip again, after my results for the Group Strep B test came back positive, I started to make peace with the thought of having another c/section. I knew that being positive for strep b meant that I'd have to have antibiotics in an IV prior to delivery. If I wanted to VBAC, I'd have to go to the hospital right away if I went into labor. If I went to the hospital right away, they'd just be doing the section then anyway. Though I was coming to terms with the c/section, I just felt so defeated. Crushed. I felt like I didn't have any control at all. Pretty much any hope I had of a vaginal birth was just gone. It still didn't stop me from bringing up a VBAC at every appointment with my OB. 
My c/section was scheduled for my due date, August 13th. I was so sure I'd go into labor before then. So sure of it. With my second child, I went into labor on my own at 38 weeks. I was confident that my body would do this again. I could go into labor on my own and labor at home for a bit before going to the hospital. They'd hook me up to an IV and I could get the antibiotics. I would be mostly dilated and I'd eventually push my baby out, and pull him/her to my chest, just like all those nights I had spent dreaming of this moment. Wishful thinking, I know.  Around 38.5 weeks, I saw my OB again. And again, I brought up the idea of a VBA2C. I was met once again, with a 'no'. At this point, I was just done being pregnant. I love it, I really do, but I was just done. I was convinced that this baby weighed close to 20 pounds. I mean, I did gain about 20-22 pounds, so it had to be all baby right? Haha. 
Since my doctor was so adamant about me not going into labor before my scheduled c/section date, I asked if we could discuss moving the c/section day up. He checked his schedule and we checked ours. It looked like August 8th or 9th would work the best. He didn't want me to take a chance of going into labor over that weekend and risking uterine rupture. At this point, I had come to terms with the surgery. My baby would soon be here, one way or another. The days passed by and there was no signs of labor. Though I was on board with a c/section, I still felt a little sad and defeated. I felt like my body was going to fail me once again.
Th day came and went. Finally, it was August 7th.  I hadn't gone into labor yet (boo!) which just meant that the next day, I'd be having a baby (yay!). We were told to arrive at 7 am for an OR time of 9:30 am. We made the proper arrangements for childcare for our two kids, and prepared for some last minute things. And then things changed. We got another phone call saying we needed to be to the hospital by 5:30 am for an OR time of 7:30 am. Oh my gosh, this was happening, and it was happening soon! We took our kids out to dinner and bought last minute items. We took them to grandma and pop pop's house that night. I kissed and hugged them like crazy. The next time we were going to see them, they would have a new brother or sister. As my husband drove us home, my emotions got the best of me and I cried. I missed Zoey and Ford so much already. They have stayed overnight before, and I knew I'd be seeing them the next day, but it was still so emotional. That, and what if something happened and that was the last time they got to see me? I love them so much and I would hate for them to have to grow up without a mother. I know it's morbid, but these things go through my mind. By the time we arrived back at our house 15 minutes later, I was fine. I went into a cleaning frenzy. I was like some kind of mad woman! At some point that night, we decided we better try to get a couple hours of sleep. We were both kind of nervous but still so excited. Before heading to bed we checked things off our list. Hospital bag packed and ready to put in the van? Check! Camera and cell phone batteries charged and ready to go? Check! Baby names 100% agreed upon and finalized? Check! Okay, time for bed because we are having a baby in the morning! 
The alarm went off early on the morning of the 8th, and I did not want to get out of bed. I guess I managed to get some sleep after all, though it wasn't much. I quickly remember that it was baby day! After waiting months and months, we were actually going to have the baby today! We showered and got around fairly quick. You tend to do that when you've been told you can't eat or drink anything, haha. Soon after the van was loaded, we were off! The half hour drive to the hospital seemed to take forever. We arrived at the hospital and made our way up to the Labor and Delivery floor. One of the nurses at the nurses stationed asked my name and what I was there for. It was such a strange feeling just walking in there, not being in labor or even having any kind of contractions or pain at all, and saying that I was there to have a baby. Once they verified who I was and that I was in fact, there to have a baby that day, we were taken to our room. A friend of ours from high school is a L&D nurse and we were lucky that she was there when we checked in. It was nice seeing a familiar face, and I guess if anyone had to poke me for an IV that day, I was glad it was Jada. During the two hours between arriving at the hospital and actually going back to the OR, things happened so fast. I'm actually a bit surprised that I still remember it as vividly as I do. I was visited by several doctors, nurses, and the anesthesiologists. It was funny because the two anesthesiologists kept going on and on about how great my airway looked and using all these medical terms. After a while I asked him to explain it to me like I was a child, and he said "Basically, it means you have a big mouth." I laughed because it definitely wasn't the first time I'd ever heard that in my life. It was good to know that if something happened and I needed to be completely knocked out for the surgery, they wouldn't have a problem with the tube going down my throat. Hopefully it didn't come to that. We did have some down time in those two hours, and my husband and I managed to watch Game of Thrones on the laptop. (Thank god for wi-fi and HBO-GO.) After 7 am, time started to go by quickly. It was such a whirl wind of activity in and out of the hospital room. People coming and going. Monitors going off and on. Finally, a new nurse came in to say it was time. (Jada had gone home for the day as it was shift change.) I got up to use the bathroom one last time, and after, we started to make that walk to the Operating Room. 
It was such a strange, surreal feeling. It went by so quick, yet at the same time, took forever. This surgery was the 4th time I've ever had surgery, and the first time I'd ever walked into the OR. I've always been in a wheelchair or on a  bed. At 7:28 am, I walked into the OR. It was freezing cold. It was funny because this entire pregnancy I'd been so warm and hot. I could never get cold. And now here I was, a half hour or so from not being pregnant anymore, and I was freezing. A nurse quickly found some warm socks for me to wear, but when the only other thing you're wearing is a thin cotton hospital gown, socks don't help at all. Still, they were very much appreciated. 
The anesthesiologists came in and started to prepare. The first needle (to numb my back) wasn't nearly as painful as it was the last time, and I was grateful. Though it still did hurt. However, that pain is temporary and the relief you get from the drugs is just heavenly. After I was completely numb from the chest down, the catheter was inserted. It was awesome that they did it after I couldn't feel anything, because it hurt like hell with the first two kids. Since, like I mentioned before, I was group strep b positive, I had to have antibiotics in my IV so we needed to let them go through for so long before my doctor actually did the first incision. While waiting for the antibiotics to do their thing, my blood pressure suddenly dropped. Like, pretty low. I was given something to bring it up and everything was nice and stable after that. Right after that, my husband was brought into the OR and was by my side. At this point, I was confident and secure in the decision to opt for a repeat c/section. I knew we were going to be fine. The doctor and rest of the medical staff came in soon after and we were off! I loved having my husband right there by my side. We were exchanging I love you's and he was snapping as many pictures as possible. I'll let the pictures tell the rest of the story. :)
(Warning, some of them could be seen as graphic. Though I think they are absolutely gorgeous.)

One last pregnancy picture. 39 weeks 3 days.

Let's do this! Just moments away from meeting my new son or daughter!

Head is out! The nurses kept going on about how much hair there was. 

The doctors and nurses mentioned that baby was 'so big'.
What's it gonna be? What is it gonna be?!

Baby is out and it's a girl! A daughter! 

First glimpse of my beautiful new daughter. 

Big, beautiful and so healthy!

Such a proud daddy!

I'm so in love.

Ruby Eleanor Jo

August 8, 2013

8:02 am

9 pounds 3 ounces

20 inches long

This was the first picture I posted on Facebook after having her.

It's been my profile picture ever since. 

I have to say, I don't think I look too bad for just having surgery. 

Zoey, Ford and Ruby.

I love the three of them so incredibly much. They are my entire world. 

I went in to the hospital that day with a healthy frame of mind, and I really think it helped calm any fears I had. I know most women would not opt for a planned c/section like this, but for me, I was okay with it. I trust my OB and I know he's a skilled surgeon. I really was at peace with my decision. 

Ruby will be a month old on September 8th, and overall, life has been pretty wonderful. She's such a joy in our lives, and a great addition to our family. My recovery has been rather slow. I've seen the doctor a couple times regarding my incision (I'll spare you all the nasty details.) and finally after a month it seems to be healing. Breastfeeding has been pretty good (though we have been dealing with thrush and a couple more issues.) I feel as though a planned c/section makes for a boring birth story, but I still wanted to share our story. With my first two c/sections, I felt like I was almost like a failure of a mom because I couldn't have a 'normal' birth. I felt a lot of guilt over it. This time around, I don't feel like that at all. I'm finally realizing that, for me, how my children entered this world doesn't determine my worth as a mother. 

I can't believe she has been here for a month already! And yet, at the same time, it seems as though she's always been here. 

Thanks for taking the time to read. :)

Almost There!

So I'm due with this baby pretty much any day now. I'm excited and nervous! I can't wait to meet my new son or daughter, and I know it'll happen soon. Just have to be patient. 

This pregnancy has been my healthiest pregnancy so far. Don't get me wrong, my other pregnancies were pretty healthy especially consider how crazy obese I was, but this one has just been even better. At my last doctor appointment I was up 21 pounds from where I was the week I found out I was pregnant way back in early December. My blood pressure has been amazing, and no signs of gestational diabetes. I never had GD with my other pregnancies, but due to my weight, they definitely watched me like a hawk. My first two babies were born weighing nearly 11 pounds each, so this pregnancy and baby's size has been monitored. Do you know how tempting it is to find out the sex of the baby with all those ultrasounds? Haha! 

Like I said before, I'm so excited to meet this little one, as well as 'get back on the wagon' to continue with the weight loss that I was totally rocking before we decided to try to get pregnant. I was getting so close to my goal, and while I'm still nearly 100 pounds lighter than where I was a year and a half ago, I know with a little hard work, healthy habits and determination I can get there in no time! Both my OB and my weight loss surgeon said that by breastfeeding, I should have an even easier time losing weight again. Let's hope so! I know when you are a nursing mom you actually need to bring in more calories a day than while you're pregnant. Let's just hope that while nursing I make some better choices when it comes to what food I put into my mouth. I'm happy I've 'only' gained 21 pounds, but I'm sure if I had been eating properly it wouldn't have even been that much. At the end of the day though (or rather, pregnancy) all you care about is a healthy baby, and that is one thing that it looks like I'll be having very soon. I feel as though this baby is HUGE, even bigger than my other two were, but it's not measuring nearly as big on the ultrasound scans, or when he does my weekly fundal height check. I'm almost more excited to see the size of the baby than to see if it's a boy or a girl. :)

Oh, and just because, here's a picture of me from about 3 or 4 weeks ago. I forget, haha. I was on my way to officiate at a wedding. It's the same dress I wore to a wedding in early May. I thought I looked huge in it then!

This will be my last post while I'm still pregnant with Stormageddon. (Yes, I refer to the baby as Stormageddon. It's a Doctor Who thing. LOVE that show!) I can't wait to start posting once he/she arrives and I am back on the wagon! 

Third trimester already?!

This pregnancy seems to be flying by! I'm now 27 weeks, which according to one of my pregnancy tracker apps, means I'm in the third trimester. Because I've had two previous cesarean sections, my doctor is recommending another. I did manage to convince him to do it on my due date (that would be 40 weeks instead of the 39 weeks when he wanted to do it.) Technically I have less than 13 weeks. It won't be long now!
We don't know if the baby is a girl or a boy, but it looks healthy, and of course that's all that matters. We have names picked out, and I can't wait to find out which one we will get to use. I've had no morning sickness, my blood pressure is perfect, and overall, I just feel pretty incredible.
At my appointment last week, I was up about eleven pounds from where I was the day I found out I was pregnant. I admit that I've been pretty hard on myself, worrying about weight, during this pregnancy, but I try to just keep telling myself that it's normal to gain weight, and a healthy baby is the goal, no matter what. My OB isn't worried though, saying that even if I gain another 15 pounds by the end of the pregnancy, it's still a good number. Also, I tend to have 'big' babies (my first was 10 pounds 14 ounces and my second was 10 pounds 8 ounces) so obviously I know that a lot of what I gain will be lost immediately.
I've always been fortunate enough to have pretty easy going pregnancies, even at my biggest weight. I'm finding though that at 100 pounds less, it's even better. Energy levels are good, and if these Braxton Hicks contractions would stop for the next 10 weeks or so, I'd say that things could be pretty darned perfect.
In my previous pregnancies, I had to do the glucose tolerance test a couple times. My levels always came back under the number you have when you're diagnosed with gestational diabetes. I remember with my son, I needed a 130 or less on the one hour test, and I ended up getting a 131. I had to do the three hour glucose tolerance test. Passed that one with flying colors. This time around, because I've had the surgery and sometimes cannot tolerate a lot of sugar, I told my doctor I wasn't comfortable doing the standard test. My fear was that I'd drink the stuff, get sick, void the test and have to do it again. Luckily, he was pretty understanding and instead we did an A1C. I wasn't sure what it was, so we discussed it and once I understood, it was definitely the way to go. Last weekend I fasted for 12 hours (which let me tell you, even after you've had the portion of your stomach removed that sends out hunger signals, fasting for that long while you're pregnant is still pretty much hell). I had my blood work done and I was so anxious for the results. They said I'd have to wait until at least Monday when my doctor office opened. I called that morning, and he hadn't reviewed the results yet so they were unable to tell me. I was afraid I'd have to wait until my next appointment to hear the results. The alternative of course, is them calling me and telling me that my levels  came back super high and I was being referred to the diabetes specialist. The call came the next day. I was terrified. Thankfully, the woman on the phone just wanted to talk to me about scheduling a c/section, and I was able to ask her for my test results. After a bit of phone tag between her, the nurse, and myself, I got them. And again, I passed with flying colors! I did better than that really. My A1C level was a 4.8 (on the low side of the ranges) and my average glucose level for the past three months is a 91. So if 130 is the cut off, I dare say I'm doing pretty awesome. It would be a lot lower I'm sure if I wasn't eating so many carbs, but that's a whole other vent/blog post. One I'm not too proud of. :/
Overall though, pregnancy is going great. In the beginning I thought it would be a lot different having a pregnancy after weight loss surgery, and while I guess on one hand it is, on the other, it's not. I'm so thankful for this little babe I have growing in me, and I cannot wait to meet him/her!

And just because, here are a couple pictures. One is from 25 weeks and the other is from 26 weeks. I think I definitely look bigger in the 26 week one!

One Year!

Today marks my one year anniversary from having weight loss surgery! Has it really been a year already?! It doesn't even seem possible. Seems like it was only yesterday that I was preparing myself for all of these tests and procedures that were required before I had surgery. And it seems like I was just starting my pre-OP diet. And here I am, a year later! It's been a pretty incredible year. I'm down 117 pounds as of this morning. I have heard so many stories of people who regret having the surgery and though I'm only a year out, I have zero regrets! I have so much more energy and I can actually keep up with my kids. Well, or at least I don't feel like I'm going to die when I try to. They are three and six and have way more energy than I'll ever have. My health has improved tremendously over the last year. I've never had a really big problem with blood pressure or cholesterol, but both are now well within the normal ranges. Before surgery I was labeled as being 'pre-diabetic' and now when I have my sugar levels tested, they are very much normal. The only big issues I've had since surgery and losing weight is that my B-12 levels got pretty low (I guess it's fairly common in WLS patients though) and the other is that I feel cold more often than not. But it is wintertime in Michigan. But I'd still rather have to wear an extra sweatshirt or use an extra blanket than have those hundred pounds back!

Just because I love posting pictures, here's a comparison picture from a year ago and today. And remember, I'm almost four and a half months pregnant!

February's Update

It's been about two months since my last update, and things are going great. Better than great really. 

We have had a couple of busy and exciting months. Christmas has come and gone and I did really great, though I was worried with it being my first post-surgery Christmas dinner. 

(Well, dinners. We have a big family.)

A month after Christmas I had the honor of being the matron of honor, as well as wedding officiant, at my best friend's wedding. It was such a perfect and emotional day. The day of her wedding also marked one year of being soda AND caffeine free. Addiction is such a bitch, whether it's alcohol, drugs, food, or something else. I'm proof that you can beat addiction though and while it seems silly to some people, I'm proud to say that I beat my addiction and that I've never looked back. 

I think it's kind of crazy that even though I haven't lost that much weight during the fall I still manage to look different. I can definitely tell that things are shifting. It can be frustrating at times. I've been hearing for almost a year now that you can tell that I've lost weight and how great I look, etc etc. For the longest time I couldn't see it. There are days when I still cannot see it, and I'm down around a total of 115 pounds. (Depending on which scale I use, haha.) When I put two pictures side by side though, I can definitely tell. These two pictures were taken about 18 months apart, with the one on the left being from just two weeks ago. Huge difference right?! Also, my kids are growing so fast! 

A friend from school recently contacted me on Facebook and told me that she had started her very own weight loss surgery journey. Like me, she has struggled with her weight for years. She's read my blog and knows what I've gone through. She knows what she is getting herself in to; the good, the bad and the ugly. She's having the surgery for all the right reasons, and I am so excited for her and I wish her loads of luck and success.

I really am amazed at how far I've come this past year. On Valentine's Day last year I my appointment for my psychological exam. I was so nervous! It was the most nerve wracking experience because if he said I was crazy I wouldn't be approved to have the surgery. After several hours of mini panic attacks and sweaty palms, I was told that I was 'boring and completely sane'. (And yes, I do have the paperwork stating this. Maybe I should frame it.) 

This Valentine's Day I'm still just as nervous about the future, but for good reason. 

My kids have a special message for everyone.

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Yes, you read that right! We're having another baby! I know what a lot of people are probably thinking. I've talked to my weight loss surgeon and my OB and they both wish us nothing but the best. My weight loss surgery shouldn't interfere with a pregnancy at all according to my doctors. (I'm considered high risk, but not because of the WLS. I have a history of having big babies and have had two c/sections.) We are going to monitor the baby's size throughout the pregnancy, and I'm really hoping that since I don't have the food addiction like I did for the other pregnancies, I'm hoping to birth a baby that isn't well over 10 pounds. My kids are absolutely thrilled with the news, and they're both already coming up with names and asking when the baby will be able to come out and play. 

It's looking like 2013 is going to be an even more exciting year than 2012. :)

Small Victories

I know that I haven't posted in what seems like FOREVER, but I've been busy. My two little munchkins are a handful (and really, I wouldn't have it any other way. I love those stinkers.)

About two weeks ago I went to my doctor for my 9 month post-op check. For the last few months I've been stuck on this plateau and while I'm not gaining, I'm definitely not losing. It's been interesting seeing how my body has changed and adapted to this weight loss. My doctor assured me that I am doing great, and that what I've experienced is totally normal. So whew, that made me feel a ton better. I go back in March for my one year check (seriously, cannot believe it's been nearly that long!) and while I'm hoping to lose a bit of weight before then, I know if the scale doesn't budge, it's still considered normal. My doctor keeps telling me that I lost in 6 months what most people lose in the first year. So yeah, I'm doing fantastic.

Yesterday was Christmas and we've been to a few family get togethers, which in our family, involves a ton of awesome food. I may or may not (okay, I did) eat more than I planned on yesterday. We were at my mom's house for about 9 hours and the food there is always the best. I was afraid to step on the scale this morning (why torture yourself like that, haha) but to my surprise when I stepped on the scale this morning (after I had slept on and off for about 10 hours) I was actually four pounds LESS than I was yesterday morning! I'm sure it was some kind of fluke, though I did weigh myself several times and still got the same number. I'm still going to claim it as a small victory.

Oh, and one final tooting of my own horn. Today marks ELEVEN months of being soda and caffeine free!! I remember eleven months ago thinking that giving up soda and caffeine was going to be the biggest challenge for me in this whole weight loss surgery journey, but I've surprised myself. When I stopped drinking the crap, I never got that nasty migraine that everyone talks about, and honestly, I don't even miss the stuff. Okay, that's a fib. There are times when I miss the caffeine (like I said, I'm trying to keep up with two young kids! but I have a vitamin B-12 deficiency and I do monthly injections. They help with the lack of energy issue. I'm super proud of myself!

Stuck

It's been almost a month since my last post. I'm still stuck on this plateau. It's frustrating and discouraging, but all of my doctors have said it's very normal. In the meantime I just try to stay positive and eat the foods I'm supposed to be eating, and drinking my weight in water (a slight exaggeration). It's not all bad news though. Since I've had such a drastic weight loss, I find myself freezing cold. 100+ pounds ago I didn't even hardly need to wear a winter coat because I was so warm. Well I broke down and bought a new coat. It arrived today and I tried it on and it's almost too big! I don't think I'll exchange it for another size because I just hate to have that one be too small and then I'm still freezing my butt off. I love the coat though. :)

Glee and 6 month post-op

One of my favorite TV shows is Glee. It's kind of silly I know as I'm not a teenage girl. I'm an almost thirty year old wife and mom to two kids. It's a show about love sick teenagers singing silly songs. (Okay, maybe there's a bit more to it.) Anyway, I love the show. It's a guilty pleasure. The fourth season of Glee started this past Thursday, and of course, I watched it. I cried. It really hit home for me.
POSSIBLE SPOILERS! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!
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There's a new female student character, Marley. She has an amazing voice and wants to audition for Glee Club, but is nervous/scared/etc. One of the reasons behind this is because of her mother. Her mom is nothing but supportive, but her mother is overweight. In fact, she's beyond overweight. Severe morbid obesity is a better description. Marley's mom is a lunch lady at McKinley High, and while in the cafeteria, she overhears other students making fun of her mom for being overweight. Her mom would drop her off for school a couple blocks away so they didn't have to be seen together. Marley was not embarrassed or ashamed of her mom, but it was more the mom not wanting to put her daughter in a position where it would be easier for feelings to get hurt.

Like I said, it just really hit home for me. My kids are young (6 and 3) but kids these days are jerks and will make fun of another kid for nearly any reason. I never wanted to be 'the fat mom'. I would feel so horrible if my children were made fun of because of something that they had absolutely no control over. This has always been a fear of mine, and while they have never been teased or bullied because of my weight, yet, it was just a matter of time. When I stopped and thought about it, I just felt even more confident in my decision to have weight loss surgery. I know my kids will be teased and bullied one day, but I hope it's never for having 'the fat mom'. I'll never be a skinny mini, but if you knew me before my surgery and now after, you know how far I've come.

About a week and a half ago, I had my six month post-op check. Yes, six months! A half year! I cannot believe it's been that long already! My doctor seemed to be impressed with how far I've come. I was officially down 111 pounds since my pre-consultation appointment at the end of January. I hate that I'm still on this plateau but I know once I crack down on eating junk food and start exercising more I can lose even more weight by my nine month appointment in December. My blood pressure was perfect and I don't ever have any big problems besides drinking too soon after I finish eating. Old habits are hard to break, but I have to try to be more aware about it. It just leaves me with this real heavy feeling in my stomach for about 15 minutes or so. It's even worse when I drink something with refined sugar so soon after eating. It's something only I can control, and I just have to make sure I'm more careful. I did have a couple concerns that I brought up with my surgeon, but he told me it's something more for my primary doctor. Since it's not *THAT* big of deal, I guess I'll just wait until I have to go back in. I'm very happy with the progress I've made and all the success I've had. Shoot, a couple weeks ago I ordered some new shirts and by the time they arrived they were nearly too big!! I'm still going to wear them because I have hardly any clothes right now, but I know I won't be in them long. It kind of stinks because my best friend is getting married in January and I cannot wait to go dress shopping but since I have NO idea what size I'll be then, I don't dare buy anything yet.

Speaking of weddings, this weekend my brother in law and his girlfriend got married (and I officiated! I was so honored that they asked me too. AND I'll be officiating at my friend's wedding in January! Gives me warm fuzzies to know that people want me to be a part of their most special day.) It was so  wonderful because at the reception, I was able to dance and dance and not break out in this huge sweat like I normally would. Now my goal is to start working out and get totally ripped by the time Jeanne's wedding rolls around, so I can dance my ass off all night! Okay, I kid. But I do need to work out. The weight loss from the surgery and eating right can only get you so far. I really need to get my arms toned, and I'd like to do my legs as well. And you'll see in the picture below that I cropped it at my waist because that needs some work too.

I love this picture though. My husband and I didn't dance together at our wedding eight years ago and since having kids, we haven't been able to slow dance when we've gone to weddings. We actually managed to dance one song at his brother's wedding. And after nearly twelve years of being together, I think we have 'our song'. In My Life, by the Beatles.

Though I know I'll never lose affection 

For people and things that went before 

I know I'll often stop and think about them 

In my life I love you more 

(Huge thanks to our six year old daughter for getting this shot of us!)

Yay

My husband and I have been trying to move some of our bedrooms around lately, and while cleaning out one room, I stumbled upon my wedding dress. For giggles, I tried it on. I thought I might be able to squeeze in to it and have it fit maybe okay. In fact, I told my husband that maybe for our anniversary in October we could wear our wedding clothes and have some pictures taken with the kids. Imagine my surprise when it ended up being too big! 

Support Group

I decided to go to the monthly support group tonight. Overall, it went pretty well. I'm not really at liberty to talk about much because there's this 'what happens in support group, stays in support group' rule. We had a dietitian/nutritionist come in as the guest speaker. It was nice to listen to her talk, and kind of reminded me that everyone is so different in their surgery journey so just because my body can't handle a particular food right now, there's nothing wrong with me. The general consensus of the group was that everyone is so different so just because someone can handle a certain food, not everyone who had that surgery can. Just because I can't handle a certain food doesn't mean that someone else won't be able to stomach it. (No pun intended, haha.) Seems like we all agree that pasta and breads are the devil however.

Speaking of, I tried bread for the first time a couple weeks ago. I really wanted an egg salad sandwich and my ever supportive husband made some while I ran our yard sale. I got one slice of bread and even toasted it. I figured if I can handle tortilla chips, crackers, etc, toast would be better than a normal slice of bread. Well I was dead wrong! I took one bite and felt so sick to my stomach! Won't be making that mistake again!

It's always interesting to see the people who come to support group. I think I've always been the youngest one there, although not always by a lot. Tonight there was a girl who looked younger than me and she's scheduled to have surgery in a few months. I really wanted to befriend her, but didn't want to come off as some kind of creep.

One of the things we do at the start of group is go around and give a little introduction. Tonight I was feeling a bit brave, so I passed this picture around. I got a lot of applause and compliments. I didn't do it for that, but I want to let those people who are there and haven't had surgery, just how amazing this can be. Individual results vary, but if I can do this, anyone can! I want to be an inspiration for people. I still cannot believe what a difference 100 pounds can make!

Plateau

In one of my last couple posts I mentioned that my doctor told me it would be normal to hit a weight plateau where I won't lose anything for a while. Boy let me tell you. I have hit one. And I hate it! My weight has been the same for the last month or so, give or take a pound. I've tried making sure I drink only water, eat only protein, walk/exercise, etc and it doesn't change. It can be rather frustrating and discouraging at times. I know people tried to prepare me for this, and I thought I had a good grasp on it but now that it's happening, I just want to whine about it.

Our county Relay For Life was this weekend and I ended up walking about five miles around the track. It was 90 some degree weather and just as humid. I had so much sweat dripping off me that i thought i would have for sure lost a couple pounds! It was quite disgusting really. I have the blisters to prove it. The scale still didn't budge. Wouldn't you feel frustrated too?!

Tonight I have my monthly support group thing and although I haven't been since April, I think I need to go. It will be good for me.

I did it! *squeal*

In my last blog post, I mentioned that I had given myself a weight loss goal and I had given myself until July 26th to meet that goal. Today is the 26th. Two days ago, for a brief moment as I stood on the bathroom scale, I met that goal!

I have come so far, but as you can see I still have far to go. I don't care though. Even if I never lost another pound, I'm still 100 pounds less than I was six months ago. I feel so much better about myself. I can play outside with my kids without needing to take a break as often. I can do so many things I could before without feeling like I was going to have a heart attack at any time. I set a goal, and through some really hard work, I met that goal. I'm proud of me.

Oh My!

I forgot to mention a funny little thing that happened at my 3 month check. So, the only time my doctor has ever checked my incisions was at my one week post-op appointment, and that was mostly just to have the drain removed. I've seen him a few times since then, and he's never checked my incisions. Never. Ever. So the day of my appointment is one of the hottest days we've had all summer. 100 degrees and just as humid. I didn't want to go to the appointment in the first place, and I certainly didn't want any clothes touching me unless it absolutely had to. So I decide to wear my new strapless cotton dress. It's super cute. Anyway, I actually feel somewhat comfortable in the dress because the fabric breathes. The doctor comes in to see me, and we talk about everything that needs to be talked about, and as he turns to walk out the door, he decides he needs to check my incisions. Now, remember, I'm wearing a strapless dress. I have two options. One is to pull the dress down, therefore exposing my breasts. And two, pull the dress up, therefore exposing, um, everything else. For reference, here is a picture of me in the dress (not taken that day).


There are some weird shadows going on, and although I look pissed, I wasn't. 


Doctor was really happy with how my incisions/scars look. You can't hardly tell they are there. I think it's because I'm always so pale, hahaha. I do have a picture of my scars, but I'm not nearly brave enough to post that photo.

(Insert Witty Title Here)

Hey there. It's been about a month since my last blog post, and even that one was pretty short. When we last left off, I was gearing up for my 3 month post-OP appointment. I'm now just over four months out from surgery, and I'm doing pretty fan-freaking-tastic. I didn't see my regular surgeon at my appointment, but I had met this doctor before (he actually was the doctor that did my endoscopy back in February) and I felt comfortable with him. He was real impressed with how much weight I've lost so far, and said that I should expect to plateau soon. He said it's actually more common to plateau 6-12 months after surgery, but since I've been doing such a kick ass job of losing weight, I should expect to do it now. And you know what? I have. And it pretty much sucks.

One thing a lot of doctors like weight loss patients to do is set goals. I've never really been one to set goals because I hate the feeling I get if I don't reach them. I've never set new years resolutions. I feel like such a failure. Anyway, I actually set a goal! I want to lose X amount of pounds by July 26th. Why the 26th you ask? Well that was the day in January that I went to my consult with the surgeon. That was the day that I was at my highest weight ever. That was the day I drank my last soda. That was the day I decided to make a change. July 26th will be six months from that day. Half a year. Wow! Time sure does fly. Like I was saying, I set a weight goal for myself, and I'm SUPER close to making that goal, but since I've stopped losing so easily, I'm so afraid of failing again. I have five days. I'd love to wake up on the morning of the 26th and weigh myself and be at that weight (actually, who am I kidding? I'd love to even be a couple pounds less!) I'm really hoping I can pull this off. I want to feel proud of myself for a change.

Since I'm 4 months out from surgery, I'm not nearly as restricted when it comes to eating. The doctor even told me by now I should have noticed I can tolerate a lot more. I'm going to be honest. There are things that I'm still real scared of eating (pasta and bread are the biggest ones) but there are foods that I know I shouldn't be eating, but I still do (like potato chips or ice cream). It's all so mental. You think to yourself "I know I shouldn't be eating this, but I can only eat such a tiny amount so it's okay" but it's NOT okay. I guess the old saying is true. Old habit really do die hard. People are always so amazed at how little it takes for me to feel full. Sometime I'll have to do a post about that.

I guess I don't really know what else to talk about right now. It seems like there's always something I think I need to post about, but when I actually sit down to type, my mind goes blank. I really do hope I can keep writing more often. It's so hard because it's summer break, and I'm so busy with my kids.

And because I like to include pictures, here's an updated photo of me. It was taken just this week, and actually, it's my current Facebook profile picture. If you know me at all, you'll know that I've had the same profile picture for over a year (and before I was was one of these people who would change it daily) so this is kind of a big deal. I've received loads of compliments on the picture, and each comment makes me smile. :)

I've Come So Far

...but I still have so far to go! Check out how much of a difference three months can take, and this is just in my face!

It's Been A While

It's been over a month since I last posted a blog update. I guess I've been busy! My daughter has been out of school for a month already, and man, it sure did go by fast. At this rate, she'll be going back to school in no time.

I continue to lose more weight each day/week, although now that I'm able to eat more foods I find that the weight loss is a lot slower. It gets rather discouraging at times. I mean, when you go from losing 5 to 10 pounds a week and then you're at a stand still and lose MAYBE a pound a week, you can get frustrated.

But then again, I will fully admit to not making the best choices in when it comes to what to eat. Two weeks ago I took my kids out for ice cream after my daughter's last t-ball game. My son wanted a scoop of Superman ice cream and without even thinking, I was stealing bites of the ice cream as well. It didn't dawn on me until the bowl was empty what I had done. I thought I'd be so sick. I was shocked that I didn't physically get sick from all of the sugar, etc in it. I was so emotionally sick and disgusted with myself. I cannot believe I let myself do that. Mistakes happen, and I realize that, but I also know I need to be more conscious of what I put into my body. I did not go through all this just to end up the way I was.

I'm so glad summer is here though because there's always fresh fruits and veggies in the kitchen and I can tolerate a lot more food now. Well that, and we are constantly grilling some kind of meat. Still, there are temptations everywhere I go and I need to be careful to not fall into old habits.

Summer should provide loads of opportunities to be physical without actually exercising as well. We have a trampoline and a pool and I'm thinking we'll be spending a lot of time with both.

See! I'm on a trampoline! And I didn't even pee my pants, haha. 

The kids love the pool as much as I do, and as a bonus, I'm wearing the bathing suit that I last wore in 2008. It fits better now than it did then! 

I go later this week for my official 3 month post-OP check up, and I'm hoping the doctor says I'm doing as fabulous as I think I'm doing. I'll update after the appointment. 

Wedding Weekend

This past weekend my family traveled up north to a family wedding. We had a really wonderful time. It's been nearly 20 years since I was up that way, and the same for my husband as well. It was a nice little family getaway. We spent Mother's Day at Sleeping Bear Dunes. I actually climbed the dunes! If I did not have this surgery, there's no way I would have ever been able to do that again. If you've never been up to that area of Michigan, I highly recommend it. It's so gorgeous. 

If you read my last blog post, you'd know that I was struggling to find something to wear. I bought a dress but it ended up being so big. I spend several hours last Friday shopping for something new to wear but just didn't like anything. I ended up wearing the same dress I wore for my brother's wedding last summer. I think it looked much better this time around, though it was too big and kept sliding around weird. 

I've decided that I'm going to stop (or at least try to stop) focusing on the number on the scale, and just pay attention to how my clothes fit, how I feel, etc. As you can see in this side by side pic, I've lost a great deal of weight, and I'm thinking 90% of my weight loss has been in my face and breasts. I'm okay with the face. I do hope I keep some 'chubby' in my cheeks however. I'm disappointed with the breasts though. I keep telling myself that it will be okay because I can always buy new ones if I really want. 

And just one more side by side/before and after picture. I love this man with all my heart. He's been so amazing and supportive through all this, and he loves me just as much now as he ever did. Plus, I love hearing him tell me that he's proud of me. 

The Problem With Losing Weight

This next weekend my family is going out of town for the wedding of my cousin. We all bought new dress clothes for the occasion. When I bought my dress, I bought it in the size I thought I'd be by then. The dress arrived and it looked beautiful. It was a bit snug, but it was also a month or so ago. We are now less than a week away from the wedding, and this morning I tried on the dress. And I kid you not, it's too big. I tried on the dress I had as a back up, and it's even bigger than the other dress. I'm going to explore some other options but if I don't like the way it fits/looks, I'll just go with the original dress I had. It is really pretty, and it's so comfortable. Normally I get so stressed because my dress clothes are too tight and uncomfortable, and now I'm complaining that they are too big and don't look nice on me. My how times have changed!

I am excited about the wedding though. Not only do we get to travel to a gorgeous part of Michigan (Grand Traverse Bay), we are staying at the hotel that night (my kids will love that!) and the next day, for Mother's Day, my husband took the night off work and we are going to travel down the Lake Michigan shoreline on our way home. Hopefully the food is decent as well as the music.

For the last couple weeks I haven't lost any weight. It's frustrating, but I've heard it's common. This past week I've started to lose a bit more. While I was looking through some clothes today for dress clothes, I happened to stumble upon a shirt I bought the summer of 2008. I was only able to wear it a few times, and when I did, it was snug. I got pregnant with my son shortly after I bought it and haven't worn it since. Tried it on today and it fit! And it was comfortable! I didn't look in the mirror to see how it actually looked, but I'm hopeful.

Now to convince my husband to let me buy a whole new wardrobe....

Two Months Post-OP

It's been about two months since surgery. Things are going, for the most part, really well. I'm down 60 pounds since late January, sometimes more, sometimes less. It just depends on the time of day, and what day in my menstrual cycle I'm on. This past week I've stayed right where I'm supposed to be regarding the post-OP diet stages. The last few days however I've had this really weird pain in my stomach. I'm really hoping it is nothing major. Today was better than yesterday which was better than the day before which was the same as Thursday when the pain started.

I'm on this next stage of my diet now, stage 5. It includes the same things allowed on the previous stages (you can read about those four stages here) but on this stage, you are allowed:
*pureed meats (that may need to be thinned with broth)
*low fat cheese, cottage cheese, string cheese
*tofu
*well cooked or canned beans or peas - navy, kidney, pinto, lima beans and lentils and split peas
*soft well cooked vegetables (green beans, carrots, squash, wax beans)
*soft canned fruits (peaches or pears)

I have to say that I'm really excited about the fruit and cheese. I know I should be eating the veggies, but I cannot bring myself to eat cooked vegetables most of the time. It's a total texture thing. I know I need to work on getting more protein as I'm not currently getting what the doctors recommend. I tried some string cheese today and it was DELICIOUS. Seriously, one of the best things I have had to eat in a long time.

I've started to get cravings for certain foods. I hate it. I NEVER got cravings before, even while I was pregnant. It's just ridiculous. And of course they have to be for foods I can't eat.

Even though I have cheated with foods I am not supposed to be eating, I'm still pretty proud of myself. I have sacrificed a lot, and it's paying off. Next weekend we are traveling to my cousin's wedding. I've lost all this weight, I have a new dress and shoes. I need to do some tanning in an attempt to get some color on my legs. I have a new hair cut and I'm planning on coloring my hair by then. (I'm thinking RED!) Oh! And I'm also going and getting a pedicure and manicure before then! My husband and kids all have new dress clothes too and I think we'll look fabulous. I may even post a picture or two after!