Stupid Sterotypes

Pictures like the ones posted below disgust me.

I effing HATE how overweight people are always the ones that are lazy, sitting on the sofa stuffing their faces with cheeseburgers and Coke. Trust me when I say that I know several thin people who in fact shovel in junk food all day. I know several overweight people who eat super healthy.

Let's get this straight people. You can be healthy at any weight. You can be unhealthy at any weight. Not all overweight people are lazy junk foodaholics. Not all thin people are starving themselves to be that way.

Okay, rant over.

Getting Close

Surgery day is officially less than two weeks away!

I have done most of the major appointments required by both my insurance company and my surgeons. All that's really left is my class with the nutritionist/dietician later this week, an appointment with my primary doctor in a week (so she can sign this letter required for surgery, but that's another vent for another post.) and then I have to stop in to the lab for some routine blood work. Oh, and then there's that pesky pre-surgery diet.

This is common for all patients undergoing this type of surgery. The diet will be used to shrink my liver. If they open me up to do the surgery and my liver is too big, they can't work on the stomach. I'm doing what it takes because I do NOT want that happening. It was actually about a month ago when I started this pre-surgery diet. I haven't stuck to it as strict as I have to for the full 10 days before surgery. I haven't stuck to the diet as strictly as I am now, and I don't want to toot my own horn or anything, but....toot toot!

I have this sheet of paper that tells me what foods I can have and what ones I can't. It's a very low carbohydrate, high protein diet. Sticking to the diet hasn't been too hard because like I said in my last post, I'm a bit sick. It's kind of hard to eat when your throat is on fire. I need to drink protein drinks, and that has been really hard with my throat. I finally found a drink that I could stomach and then I wasn't able to drink it at all when I was at my worst. Now that my throat feels a lot better, I can tolerate it again.

The full pre-surgery diet is as follows:
*For 10 days before surgery, I must be on a low carb/high protein diet, drink only sugar free, non-caffeinated, non-carbonated beverages (pretty much everything but water!), and take a multivitamin every day (I really need should be taking those every day though.)
*I need to drink protein drinks, 40-50 grams of protein a day from these drinks. And they have to have a certain number of grams of protein and less than a certain number of sugar in each serving.

*Other foods allowed include: 4 ounces of lean meat, eggs or cheese daily. Non-fat or 1/2% milk (limit to 3 cups a day), unlimited cooked and raw veggies (of most veggies. high starch ones are off limits. think potatoes, corn, peas, and most squashes.)

*I can have these foods in unlimited quantities as well: Sugar free jello/pudding/popsicles, sugar free non-carbonated beverages, broth, herbs and spices.

*The foods I am to avoid are: all breads, cereals, pasta, rice, etc. Starchy veggies, and all fruit and juice.

I cannot even tell you how many salads I've had in the last month. It's starting to pay off though because at my appointment Thursday I was 13 pounds lighter than I was at my appointment four weeks ago.

I do miss my fruit though. My kids have been eating a ton of it lately, and I just want a nice bowl of fruit. I look forward to the day when I can join them in eating it and they can stop teasing me about it.

Mach Truck

I feel like I've been hit by one. I very rarely get sick but when I do, it can be bad. I woke up Monday feeling like crap and it's been worse. My throat feels like it is on fire. I finally yesterday went to urgent care (since my primary doc couldn't get me in until next week. Ugh.) My strep test came back negative but I still feel like shit, so I'm on an antibiotic for ten days. It's only been a day and a half and I feel so much better. I'm really hoping this doesn't delay my surgery at all. I'm currently sitting in the doctor's office for my pre-op appointment so I guess I will find out soon.

And this is really random, but since I'm so proud of it I feel like I have to share. Today marks four weeks (that is one month!) of no soda! Go me!!

I'm Not Crazy

"You're mad. Bonkers. Off your head. But I'll tell you a secret; all the best people are."

I had my psychiatric evaluation this past Tuesday. Just one more step to having surgery. I was fairly nervous as I have never had to talk to a psychiatrist before, and I was afraid of what could go wrong. (I'm seeing a common theme here.) I wasn't quite sure what to expect, but I was pretty sure that at the end of the session I would come out in a straight jacket. My appointment was about two hours long and I am happy to report that at the end of my session, I was deemed 'normal, healthy and a bit boring'.

My doctor looked nothing like Lucy.

Like I mentioned, the appointment was a couple hours long, but most of it consisted of taking a test (567 true/false questions. A sample question is posted below.) and then after that, the doctor looked over my answers and we had an 'interview'.

Turns out I was nervous for nothing! Dr. Z told me he'd send the report to my surgeon and will be mailing me a copy as well. I'm thinking about framing it and putting it on the wall.

Crazy

I go for my psychiatric evaluation tomorrow. Part of me is nervous, but mostly not. I mean, I'll be the first to admit that I can get a little crazy from time to time, but I'm still not worried. A good friend had this surgery a while ago and needed a psych evaluation as well. She said that if she passed, I will do just fine. I sure hope so.

I have found myself singing this song a lot these last couple days.

Another One Bites The Dust!

Thursday I had an endoscopy. I was super scared and on the verge of tears because I was so nervous. It was another one of those little hurdles I must jump on my way to surgery. I wasn't able to drive myself home after the procedure so my ever supporting mom waited with my little boy.

We arrived by 10 am, and was scheduled to go back to the procedure room at 11 am. I had filled out all of my paperwork at home, so I got to my room fairly quick. Lots of standard questions and what not and then it was time to change. Fun fun. I had to take my shoes and shirt off and was given this sexy hospital gown to wear.

I had to take my wedding rings off as well as take my nose piercing out. I was pretty concerned that the hole would close up. (In 2008 I had my nose pierced as well and after a couple months had to take it out. It closed up completely within an hour.) Shortly after this it was time for the IV. I don't think I've mentioned this, but I have a huge needle phobia. (Yes I have tattoos. Yes I have piercings. It's so not the same.)

Ouch! I must say that it didn't hurt nearly as bad as a tattoo or piercing, but still, it wasn't fun. I think it was mostly because the tape hurt and it would sometimes tug on my skin and there wasn't much room for the tube to move. Even though it was slightly uncomfortable, the worst part (so far!) was just waiting and waiting and waiting. Luckily, I am part of a really fantastic group on Facebook and the other members managed to keep me company while I waited.

After what seemed like an eternity, I was finally wheeled back to the procedure room. I remember waiting outside and was freezing cold. It was odd as normally I am not that cold. But I guess when you're laying there in a paper thin hospital gown you tend to feel the cold more than normal. The nurse asked a million questions to make sure I knew who I was and if I knew what was going on, etc. She ended up asking where I was from and if I knew so and so. Apparently she worked with my mother in law at one point. Small world.

This is where details get kind of hazy. I remember them asking me to bite down on a mouth guard, and the nurse mentioning that she was now putting something into my IV. My eyelids get very heavy. Next thing I know, I'm awake in the procedure room and my nurse asks "That wasn't so bad was it?" It wasn't that bad in all honesty. The worst parts were the nasty throat numbing spray (seriously, barf) and then having some bits of my memory wiped out. (Which, I realize it's probably a good thing I don't remember the actual procedure. I mean, a tube was shoved down my throat.) I remember being awake after the endo in the procedure room, but I don't remember being wheeled back to my room.

I was in my room for about a half hour after when I was given the okay to leave. The doctor came in and said that they did remove something because it looked like I had some irritation in my stomach. I also have a small hiatal hernia, but that can and most likely be repaired during surgery. I should be hearing back with the results from the biopsy later this week or early next week. Fingers crossed it's nothing major.

All in all, it really wasn't that bad. I hope I don't need another one, but if I do, I know what to expect and won't worry so much. I am so thankful to my mom for driving me and watching my son, and I am so very thankful for all of the hilarious women who kept me company on Facebook while I waited and waited in the hospital. :)

Next stop will be my psychiatric evaluation on Tuesday. I really wasn't too nervous about that, but then I received a packet of paperwork from the office. So many questions already, and I haven't even talked to the doctor! They said I should expect to be there for at least 2 hours, possibly closer to 3. Awesome. Bring it on.

Big Couple of Days

The surgeon doing my surgery has a list of requirements that ALL bariatric surgery patients absolutely need to follow before having surgery. One of these requirements is to attend at least one support group meeting BEFORE having surgery. Within our hospital system, there are four meetings a month, each week is a different city. I attended one tonight and it was rather interesting. Not bad interesting, just really informative. I learned things I need to do, and things I shouldn't do. It made me even more excited about surgery.

Tomorrow I go in for an endoscopy. I am scared crapless. I have never been put under for any medical procedure and honestly the thought of it brings me to tears. It's another one of those required things though, and just another step closer to surgery, so I will just have to suck it up.

I am just glad I don't need the endo for the same reason as this guy. Seriously, how did he swallow that?!

My Head Is Spinning!

When I decided to start my journey to weight loss surgery, I knew there would be a ton of hoops I'd have to jump through and appointments I'd have to make. I didn't know quite how many though.

I have thought about surgery for a while, although I saw it as a last resort. Besides, even if I wanted to go ahead with surgery, it was still out of the question as there was no way we could ever afford it. Finally in the summer of 2011 I made my husband apply for a new job that I knew he'd be great at. He was hesitant but now he's so grateful that I pushed him. I'm grateful too as now we are finally in a position to afford health insurance!

I briefly discussed gastric bypass with my primary doctor at an appointment in November. I still didn't know where to go from there. I made some more calls to doctors, etc, and I officially began my journey. In our area, you need to attend a seminar on weight loss surgery options. It's a couple hours long, and it's pretty informative. I went to this right at the end of 2011 (and I'm so glad I did because my insurance has changed the requirements for people starting their journey in 2012). 

Immediately after the seminar, I was given some appointment dates and times. So much to take in at once! I have meetings with the surgeon, an EKG, an endoscopy, a psychiatric evaluation, support groups and nutrition classes to go to, and so much more before my surgery. And my tentative surgery date is one month from TODAY!! Eeeek! I'm so excited and nervous all at the same time! 

It really is a lot to take in and wrap my head around. Every time I talk to someone at the surgeon's office, it's like they give me another appointment date and time. Add that to kids' schedules, etc, and it makes for one busy Amanda! 

The Inspiration For the Blog Name

I needed a url for the blog, and I'm quite horrible at coming up these types of things. And then I happened to be listening to one of my all time favorite songs and there's a lyric in there that I just love.

"Fat bottomed girls, you make the rockin' world go round"

I LOVE that line! I am all for self esteem at any weight, and loving the body you have and self acceptance and all that. Even though I'll be losing weight and hopefully won't have a fat bottom for too much longer, I will always be a fat bottomed girl at heart.

Introductions

My name is Amanda and I'm fat. Not just fat, but obese. Technically morbidly obese. And I am sick of it.

I've always been overweight, as are some of my family members. It would be so easy to place blame on others for this but the truth is, this is my life and I have made unhealthy choices. As a child there's not much you can do. As an adult I should have known better. And now as a parent, I know this has got to stop. I see the cycle repeating itself.

I hate the negative connotations that come with being overweight. The looks I get from strangers. I know what they're thinking. I hate that I am stereotyped just because I am so overweight. I've wondered about alcoholics, drug users, etc. 'Why don't you just stop using?' Well, to you food may not be a drug, but to me, it is just as addicting. I’m what you would call an emotional eater and salty carbs are my weapon of choice. I have been better about it in recent years, but when you're nearly 30, it's hard to break old habits.

I hate that my clothes don't fit me the way I want them to fit. I find that it's difficult to find clothes and really dread clothes shopping. Being the plus size of the plus size section is not fun.

My weight never really seemed to bother me until my husband and I were trying to conceive (TTC) our children, especially our second. When our daughter was two, and we had been TTC for a year without luck, I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). There are a ton of symptoms of this medical condition, and everyone is different in their struggle with it. However one thing that most women with PCOS experience is weight gain and difficulty in losing weight. And here’s the ironic part. The only way to really beat PCOS is to lose weight. It’s totally screwed.

I have tried the usual diets and exercises in attempts to lose the weight, but nothing has worked. After a long emotional ride, I have decided to have weight loss surgery. I was hesitant to even consider surgery at first because I honestly felt it was ’the easy way out’. And then a good friend had gastric bypass surgery (GBS). Seeing what she went through, the good, the bad and the ugly, made me realize that it is so far from being easy. It is HARD work and you have to be dedicated to make this a success. And she has been. I have known others who have gone through the surgery and some have just as much success and some not so much. There is a chance that even if I go through surgery and make completely different lifestyle changes I will still not lose weight, but it's a risk I am willing to take. I have to at least try.

When I saw the surgeon for my consultation, I had to fill out this 13 page packet of questions. One of the short essay type questions was “Why do you want to lose weight?” I really had so much I wanted to say, but they didn’t provide me with that much space. I simply included a picture of my two gorgeous children. Their names are Zoey and Ford and they are my everything (as is my always amazing husband). They are the reason I wake up in the morning. The three of them are my inspiration and my biggest supporters.

My purpose of this blog is just simply that I need a place to collect my thoughts and write them down on this crazy journey that I am about to embark on. It’s such a huge life change, and I want to remember all of it. I am normally so bad about keeping up with my blog, but I really hope I can keep this up. And who knows, I may even inspire someone else to start a weight loss journey of their own. :)