Monday, February 6, 2012


My name is Amanda and I'm fat. Not just fat, but obese. Technically morbidly obese. And I am sick of it.

I've always been overweight, as are some of my family members. It would be so easy to place blame on others for this but the truth is, this is my life and I have made unhealthy choices. As a child there's not much you can do. As an adult I should have known better. And now as a parent, I know this has got to stop. I see the cycle repeating itself.

I hate the negative connotations that come with being overweight. The looks I get from strangers. I know what they're thinking. I hate that I am stereotyped just because I am so overweight. I've wondered about alcoholics, drug users, etc. 'Why don't you just stop using?' Well, to you food may not be a drug, but to me, it is just as addicting. I’m what you would call an emotional eater and salty carbs are my weapon of choice. I have been better about it in recent years, but when you're nearly 30, it's hard to break old habits.

I hate that my clothes don't fit me the way I want them to fit. I find that it's difficult to find clothes and really dread clothes shopping. Being the plus size of the plus size section is not fun.

My weight never really seemed to bother me until my husband and I were trying to conceive (TTC) our children, especially our second. When our daughter was two, and we had been TTC for a year without luck, I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). There are a ton of symptoms of this medical condition, and everyone is different in their struggle with it. However one thing that most women with PCOS experience is weight gain and difficulty in losing weight. And here’s the ironic part. The only way to really beat PCOS is to lose weight. It’s totally screwed.

I have tried the usual diets and exercises in attempts to lose the weight, but nothing has worked. After a long emotional ride, I have decided to have weight loss surgery. I was hesitant to even consider surgery at first because I honestly felt it was ’the easy way out’. And then a good friend had gastric bypass surgery (GBS). Seeing what she went through, the good, the bad and the ugly, made me realize that it is so far from being easy. It is HARD work and you have to be dedicated to make this a success. And she has been. I have known others who have gone through the surgery and some have just as much success and some not so much. There is a chance that even if I go through surgery and make completely different lifestyle changes I will still not lose weight, but it's a risk I am willing to take. I have to at least try.

When I saw the surgeon for my consultation, I had to fill out this 13 page packet of questions. One of the short essay type questions was “Why do you want to lose weight?” I really had so much I wanted to say, but they didn’t provide me with that much space. I simply included a picture of my two gorgeous children. Their names are Zoey and Ford and they are my everything (as is my always amazing husband). They are the reason I wake up in the morning. The three of them are my inspiration and my biggest supporters.

My purpose of this blog is just simply that I need a place to collect my thoughts and write them down on this crazy journey that I am about to embark on. It’s such a huge life change, and I want to remember all of it. I am normally so bad about keeping up with my blog, but I really hope I can keep this up. And who knows, I may even inspire someone else to start a weight loss journey of their own. :)


  1. Thank you for being so candid. I struggle with my weight too and it helps to know I'm not the only one who hates shopping. Thanks for sharing. Looking forward to cheering you on :)

  2. I feel like I'm starting this journey with you! I can't wait to watch your progress!

  3. Good luck! I can not wait to read about your journey. I think what you are doing and the fact that you are sharing it with everyone is very brave. You go girl!

  4. I've been considering weight loss surgery for years, but I'm waiting until I'm absolutely positive I'm done having babies.. AND, I'm totally still trying to do this thing on my own. But I hear you, I'm an emotional eater also. And I sure do love me some salty carbs. I've been really disgusted by myself lately though.. And my kids make it even harder. I don't want to be a fat mom. I want to run and keep up with my kids. I don't want them to be embarrassed of me.. and I certainly want to live a long life and see my kids grow old and have families of their own.
    I'll be totally interested to watch your progress.

  5. First of all, you are not fat, are are Amanda. You have fat. Fat isn't who you are. Just remember that through all this. If you can't love yourself for what you are now, no amount of weight loss will ever change that. It's great that you are doing this for your children.

  6. Jonathan shared with me and I so know how you feel. When I got my Lap-Band it was purely to lose the weight to get pregnant. The down side of it, I had to have my band deflated while pregnant and gained my weight back. As soon as little girl gets here I'm putting my butt back on track. Its a hard decision to make but putting our health and the health of our families first is the goal. I suggest finding a sport or activity you enjoy too. That is our new mission in order to support healthy lifestyles. GOOD LUCK! If you ever need to talk to a been there done that, feel free to contact me.